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Winter 2003
It’s two weeks before Christmas, and all through the
house, I hear the sound of staple guns and pounding knees.
We’re in the middle of a re-furbishing of sorts, and we’ll
barely finish before Christmas arrives. The party is at our
house this year, and all of my husband’s family will join us
for the celebration of our Savior’s birth.
All this painting, and
cleaning, and re-arranging has me thinking about
change. We moved into this house seventeen years ago. I’ve
lived with things as they are for a long time. But this
summer, I decided it was time to spruce up. Time for a fresh
coat of paint and a new look at the way things “have always
been.”
Change
isn’t easy. I agonized over the costs. I worried about my
color and fabric choices. I’m no decorator, after all. What
if I didn’t like it? What if it didn’t go together? Could
my husband and I ever agree on anything.
Just
last weekend, I had spent the morning with the ladies at
Chapel Hill Presbyterian, in Gig Harbor, Washington. We talked
about change, and I’d like to share my ideas with you:
Most of
us would love to make some changes in our lives. We want
stronger healthier bodies. We want to be more mature in our
faith. We want to know Jesus more, to grow in discipline.
Perhaps you long for a stronger prayer life, more time in the
word, a more effective ministry in your church.
The
world wants change too. That may be behind the hoopla over New
Year’s Resolutions. Like the world, we believers hope that
by gritting our teeth we can become someone different in the
New Year. Usually by mid-January, our wishes are memories, and
we end the year in the same condition as we did the year
before, and the year before that.
But what
would happen if we approached the year’s end with a
different mindset? What if, instead of getting lost in the
shopping and decorating, we made time to ask the Lord, “What
do you have planned
for me in 2004?” And then, what if we listened for the
answer?
I think we
might actually experience lasting change! So how do we make it
happen?
1.
We let go of the absolutes that we believe about
ourselves.
I’m not
talking about moral or Biblical absolutes. I’m talking about
false beliefs. These begin with the words, “I can’t,” or
“I could never,” or “I hate,” or “I’m too
afraid.” These are the lies we tell ourselves. They bear no
resemblance to God’s opinion of our potential. In order to
hear from God about his plans for the New Year, we must cut
those false beliefs loose.
2.
Get help.
Real change
happens in the context of community. Maybe you need a walking
partner, or a prayer partner, or a weight-loss group. Perhaps
you need to make the investment in a counselor. Or a teacher.
Remember if we could
change ourselves – anytime, without any difficulty – all
of us would have great virtue, great bodies, and great
discipline. But we’re human. We can’t see ourselves
clearly. A helper-coach is like the mirror in a ballet room.
It shows us the absolute truth about ourselves – truth we
can’t see on our own.
3.
We must REMEMBER to USE the things we’ve learned
about ourselves.
Too often, we want to
begin something new – a quiet time, or a prayer journey –
and we completely forget what we’ve learned about ourselves
from the past. Those facts can be key to your success this
year. For instance: For years, I believed that successful
quiet times only happened in the morning. But I don’t do
mornings! I had success when I took what I knew about myself
– my struggle with morning hours – and applied it to quiet
times. I decided to try doing it at night. For the past
fifteen years, evening quiet times have worked well for me.
In the area of diets, you
probably already know what foods tempt you. You know when you
are prone to over-eat. You know what exercise you enjoy. You
will find success in food management when you learn to USE the
things you already know about yourself, rather than wishing
you were someone else.
4.
We have success when we focus on one small task at a
time.
I
learned this from my fourth grade orchestra. These
ten-year-olds will play along in a piece until they have
trouble with a certain measure. Then, instead of working on
the trouble spot, they give up and start over, hoping that
when they get back to that same place the problem will
mysteriously go away. We do that too. We come up against
resistance, and instead of fixing the specific problem, we
start over again.
If food
portions are you problem, focus on that – nothing else. If
Bible reading is your problem, set a short goal, like reading
five out of seven days. If prayer time is your problem, set a
timer and pray for three minutes. Give yourself permission to
quit when the timer goes off. Work specific tasks.
5.
Slow makes fast…
Another musical
phrase! This means that you won’t ever play anything more
perfectly fast than you can play it slowly. Once you play it
perfectly, you gradually speed up your music, until you can
play it without thinking.
The same principle applies to all life disciplines.
So, perhaps
you are working on problem solving with your spouse. You solve
problems slowly, using new communication skills. It takes lots
of time. You wonder if choosing a place to go out for dinner
will always take two hours. It won’t. But working at the
skill slowly will help it to become second nature.
As you focus on one area
of difficulty, gradually begin to challenge yourself. Can you
do the skill in other areas? Can you do it more? Can you do it
faster?
Some folks give up when
they hit a bump. Instead, slow down! Figure out what went
wrong and fix it. Then try again.
6.
Finally,
remember that you are a Human BEING, not a Human DOING.
As you ask the Lord what
he what he wants to accomplish this year, be open to
surprising answers. Perhaps he wants you to learn to play. Or
to read. Or to rest. Perhaps to get more sleep every night.
Perhaps to read with your daughter, or to exercise regularly.
I once heard the Holy
Spirit tell me to sit down during my lunch break. As a busy
young mother, I was multi-tasking during lunch, washing
dishes, wiping counters. He wanted me to rest!
Don’t forget that he is
your maker. He knows how long you can go between oil changes,
or major tune-ups. Practice obedience as you listen to his
voice this season. Though it makes no apparent sense, try to
obey. You may be surprised as the pieces of your life fall
into place.
I hope this little essay gives you new thoughts for 2004!
I’m looking forward to the release of my newest
book, A Season of Grace. It’s the story of a woman who
answers her front door to discover her twin brother dying of
AIDS. It’s a great mix of humor and tears, fiction and
reality. I hope you love reading it as much as I loved writing
it.
May God richly bless your new year!
Bette
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